Reflections...2010!!!

thinking this blog might take some effort, as prompted by some of my pals on Lovin' Mixed Media
(online artist community that if you aren't familiar with you NEED
to become familiar with: www.lovingmixedmedia.com)!!!!
at first i thought... ummmm... November??? isn't it a little early to be
looking back on 2010, i mean, really, we still have 6 weeks left, but
when in Rome....

i think the BIG goal for my Self this year was definitely Self integration. WHAT????? hear me out. we are such
complex beings, made up of millions and millions of cells, all systems
dependent on one another. so we have this physical, biological
Existence right? the host, if you will, for the part of our Selves i
believe to be that infinite spiral of energy, eternally connected with
all Life and as Ancient as the beginning of Creation. Some may call
this our Soul, our Spirit, our Higher Selves....call it what you want
but we all know that part of our Being.

it is this part of my Self that drives my very Existence.

so, i began 2010 with the goal of loosing the 7 years of added baby weight
three pregnancies put on me. having decided to close the baby factory
permanently it was time to get my Self back into shape. i am proud to
say with the help of a great friend and a new found love of running i
reached my goal of 40 lbs lost and FOREVER shed. slippin' back into the
those skinny jeans and shakin' what my mama gave me NEVER felt so
good!!!

after seeing the results of my physical transformation i decided it was time to work a little deeper and take a look at my
insides. no, not my organs..but my mind and my Spirit. so, after
leading a small group this past summer and going through "The Artist's
Way" (an amazing Creative Unblocking book by Julia Cameron that if you
are not familiar with, AGAIN i tell you, you NEED to become familiar
with) it was safe to say i got my Creative mojo back. before i knew
what was happening and allowing the the synchronicity of Life to unfold
the next thing i new we were renovating an extra bedroom in our house
into my very own studio! and it is LOVELY!!! wow, i immediately began
to see results in my work. just the freedom of having my stuff out
around me, being able to drip paint on the floor, and making a total
mess and not having to clean it up is just as cathartic as actually
Creating a piece of Art.

i guess it was the end of the summer when completely by accident i found Gary Reef and LMM, to whom i will be
forever grateful for his uninhibited generosity, amazingly gifted
Creativity, and gentle tolerant leadership. Love Ya, man!!! through
his community i have not only become much more confidant as an artist
but also as a writer. oops...forgot to mention somewhere between "The
Artist's Way" and LMM i participated in a week long writing workshop at
Lancaster Theological Seminary that was lead by David Mellot! talk
about stirring stuff up...who would have thought in a 5 minute writing sprint
you could began telling a story about water and end with a 30 year old
wound resurfaced from your childhood. No Kidding.....powerful, painful
and oh so Healing!!!

so, it is with all of these different aspects of my Self and my Life that i have really begun the process of
becoming a whole person. please know, however, this has been and
continues to be filled with times of real darkness hidden under layers
of self doubt and self abuse. it means facing demons i thought only
existed in my nightmares. it means accepting these demons for who they
are and realizing they are just as much a part of my WHOLE Self as
those Angles are. it means facing challenges in personal relationships
because all of a sudden i might not be the person everyone was
comfortable with me being. it means, perhaps, evolving, out those
relationships that were holding me back. it means stepping out on that
bridge, closing my eyes an jumping in to Life head first with only my
Faith for a soft landing.

i guess, now, as i reflect back on 2010 it is with contentment and confidence i end this year being more True
to my Self now then i ever have been. i could make a list of everyone
in my life who has been a cheerleader, inspiration, advocate and/or
friend but chances are if you are taking the time to read this you know
who you are. i have been deeply touched by God's hand in my Life more
times then i care to count and am excited about the prospects of a new
year only six weeks away!!